And so it begins...

I will spare you all the suspense, and just come out and say it. I'm not like the other bloggers. I know, I know, that's what every other blogger says, but if you didn't think you could trust me, you wouldn't be reading this now, would you? So, I will say it again. I'm not like other bloggers.

To be frank, I don't even like other bloggers, not because of their personas or their actions, necessarily, but because I don't care to know about other bloggers. Putting it bluntly, I think blogging makes little sense, in the real world, but lucky for most bloggers, the "Real World" is a world apart from the "Internet." In real life, you have to be qualified to have your opinion published or presented to the general public. Even in Fox News, which has a dubious grasp of reality at the best of times, the thralls of anchors and scriptwriters that continue to wage Rupert Murdoch's "War on Journalism" are, if nothing else, good at what they do. They've spent years perfecting their craft, honing their skills and sharpening their wit so that, when the finally get around to spewing the unmitigated torrent of falsehoods, slander, and biased reporting that they invariably spew, it is presented in such flawless detail and exacting precision that one unlearned in the art of propaganda and yellow journalism might understandably mistake them for "truthiness." In that the "news" that they give (and I use the term "news" lightly) is naught but a cavalcade of mistruths and misinformation, they are the highest quality mistruths and misinformation that I have ever seen. In fact, one might go so far as to say that they almost compare to other news sources that actually report the truth.

But please, bear in mind that that is only my own, "unbiased" opinion.

But politically inflammatory statements and thinly-veiled disdain aside, the point remains that almost EVERYONE in the mainstream media worked their collective asses off to get where they are today. They have paid their dues to the journalistic gods (heathen and fickle though they may be), and if for no other reason than to respect their hard work, they deserve at least the right to have their voices heard.

Even if they ultimately end up abusing that right, and our ears.

But the blogger (myself included; I may be a hypocrite, but I am a self-conscious and repentant one), has had no such struggle to have their voices heard. All that I required to publish this fantastic piece of literature (or hogwash, depending on your opinion and personal outlook) was an e-mail address and a wireless connection; both of which are more plentiful than pork-barrel projects in a [insert political party]-controlled legislature. As a blogger, I have no right to lecture others on anything of substance, or even anything lacking substance. For all that you, my beloved readers, know, I could be a hyper-intelligent chihuaha with technocratic ambitions, or a troop of howler monkeys chained to a series of keyboards and word processors, diligently plunking away at our workstations in a neverending, quixotic quest for sugar water and fruit juice. Or, I could be some insane computer program, designed by a shadowy secret governmental agency or maniacal corporate conglomerate for some inscrutable, but equally nefarious, ultimate purpose.

I am not, of course, any of these things; but, how would you know, for sure? [insert Cartesian, Wackowski Brothers-induced existential quandry here]

So why then, do people read blogs? The answer, of course, is beyond me. Most answers are, you'll soon find. But, regardless of the answer, they do. And they do it a lot. And eventually, they'll do it so much, that some technophobic Luddite like myself can no longer hide in his proverbial cave and pretend that he doesn't know what's going on. Eventually, that same poor, pitiful soul will either be compelled or required to join the 21st century, kicking and screaming and crying out for his false charcoal-and-wood carved idol (i.e. the "pencil") all the while. Eventually, our Techno-Cro-magnum will have to move beyond the realm of the Real World, with its scary "rules" and "consequnces," and delve into the Surreal World with its equally scary absence of the above. And let's not even get into the confusing "series of tubes" that seem to make up this bizarre space known as the "World Wide Inter-Net Web."

Thus, at great length and great pains (mostly to yourself, dear reader), I introduce myself and the works herein. I am, dear reader, an "idle Bloggart;" here to show you the ghosts of wisdom past (such as I understood it), spirits of films present (such as I have interpreted them), and one or two dull and borderline-entertaining insights of my own interspersed throughout.

And so, it begins...

--dkamouflage